|The Monster Diary II
~ Puppies Expected on or about May 13, 2005 ~
|March 1, 2005 (Day 1)
Well, I'm back. Not sure that I'm excited about it. Last time I wrote in my diary, my house became infested with pests . . . and one never left. But, today is for celebrating. Mom has been wiping and swabing and wiping and swabing; anxiously awaiting whatever. Today is that day. Whew. The poking, proding, wiping and swabing should all be coming to an end.
March 2, 2005 (Day 2)
Boy was I wrong. Is the torture never ending??? Today was toe nail day. YUCK!
March 3, 2005 (Day 3)
You're kidding me right? You really think I have that much to say??!!
March 4, 2005 (Day 4)
They are doing it again. They are plotting and planning. My mom and all her crazy friends. *sigh* Nothing a self-help group wouldn't fix, I am sure, but WHY do they have to involve me??
March 5, 2005 (Day 5)
This new perfume isn't working. It definitely attracts the wrong "sorts". Yesterday, an under-age hyper-active teenager and today a - horror of horros - a non-pedigreed labrador! Being a debutate myself, I will have none of it.
March 6, 2005 (Day 6)
Mom told me about some lady today named Bobbie. She was calling her Auntie Bobbie and said something about her joining the Sorority. Ohhhhhh Kay! Whatever THAT means.
March 7, 2005 (Day 7)
Never considered myself much of a Sorority girl but it occured to me, I think I just might like the idea of doing a little HAZING! hee hee hee.
March 8, 2005 (Day 8)
Today I can cross "make crotchless panties" off my "to-do" list!
March 9, 2005 (Day 9)
Mom isn't letting me play with Jaeger anymore. I hate that! He is my best friend and without me, who will keep him in line??
March 10, 2005 (Day 10)
We're off to see the Wizard! Oh wait, that's no wizard, its Unclie Normie! I was so excited to see him until . . . he stuck me at both ends. Jammed something pointy in my neck and then again somewhere that we really don't need to talk about. GOSH, talk about nooooooooooo privacy! The the names calling started. Something about me being 50% of a cornflake! And they were saying it like I'm not in the room or can't hear since I'm in season!!!! UNREAL! BTW, for those who are in the "know," word on the street is that I am a 3.3 today.
March 11, 2005 (Day 11 - NINE WEEKS)
ROAD TRIP!!!! Its all about "Priorities".
March 12, 2005 (Day 12 - 62)
Don't ask me what day it is. All I know is when I went to bed I was in Maryland and I awoke to the smell of sea water in the air and the sand between my toes. Then, I was molested by a BRUTE of a dog for ten minutes before being put back into the car. My uncle called my mom during the ride home. My stocks is rising! I was worth 4.9 yesterday afternoon!
March 13, 2005 (Day 13 - 61)
Soooooo nice to be home and sleeping in my own bed but that DOG came home with us! Then, those scrappy puppies Portia and Oszkar went for a vizsla walk and bird training. I am mad at everyone! Priority, the Brute, tried to make nice tonight but I am having NONE OF IT!
March 14, 2005 (Day 14 - 60)
Sex? Not interested. Got some a few days ago so I think I am good to go for another year or more. Mom disagrees. Another quick trip to the vet to be injected with some Artificial Intelligence. (Man, I am going to be the smartest girl on the block!). Doc Norm called and said that I'm rich and to cash in. Stock is now at 22.7.
March 15, 2005 (Day 15 - 59)
Reminiscing . . . ahhhh. Happy BIRTHDAY to my sweet little Ides - Aris, Aiden, Bliss and Sofie - and especially to my constant shadow, tormentor and crazy daughter Portia. My life is better for having you in it.
March 16, 2005 (Day 58)
The Brute is gone and my Jaegerbaby is HOME!!!! But . . . . But . . . . But . . . . WAAAA. I can't play with him. He is whining like only my JaegieBaby can.
March 17, 2005 (Day 57)
Today is St. Patty's Day, which is Irish for "For the Love of God, Pat Your Dog TODAY!" Unfortunately for me, my mom doesn't speak Irish and thought it was "Give Your Dog a Bath Day" . . . and she did, while mumbling something about me being ripe for the picking. There she goes. Calling me fruit again!
March 18, 2005 (Day 56 - EIGHT WEEKS)
Spring is here! I want to go out and run and play and hunt but first . . . I think I'll take a nap.
March 19, 2005 (Day 55)
Portia went with MY mom and MY friends and MY sister to do bird stuff today . . . and they left me at home . . . AGAIN! Just remember, "dearie," paybacks are a bitch AND SO AM I!
March 20, 2005 (Day 54)
Got even with Portia today. A bird and a birthday and I think she is too big for her britches! No matter how big she gets or how old she gets, I will ALWAYS be her mother and will ALWAYS put her in her place. *sigh* Feel so much better now. Am going to reclaim my spot on the sofa too.
March 21, 2005 (Day 53)
My life could be a country song, "On the Road Again."
March 22, 2005 (Day 52)
When will people understand that I should always be the center of attention? I am visiting with friends and I think they need a friendly reminder. BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP ME YOU MINIONS!
March 23, 2005 (Day 51)
WTF. A BATH???? A-GAIN????
March 24, 2005 (Day 50)
I need a vacation.
March 25, 2005 (Day 49 - SEVEN WEEKS)
Wait, I'm on vacation.
March 26, 2005 (Day 48)
All I need is a pina colada and a little time by the pool and this week would have been perfect!
March 27, 2005 (Day 47)
HOME! HOME!! HOME!!! Hmm, tell me again why I am happy to be home?? Now I have to share the bed with the rest of the gang instead of hogging mom all to myself.
March 28, 2005 (Day 46)
Why people are reading my personal thoughts, I have no idea. You really should stop.
March 29, 2005 (Day 45)
I SAID STOP!!!! You're still reading. "NA NA NA NA NA" You can't read what I'm thinking!
March 30, 2005 (Day 44)
"To be pregnant or not to be pregnant, that is the question. Whether 'tis more fun to play head games and make mom and her friends suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous waiting, or to take arms against a sea of speculation and by constant eating and gaining weight, end them?"
March 31, 2005 (Day 43)
Mom is NOT feeding me enough. Fortunately, I still have excellent scavanging genes left over from the days of the wolves. Not sure what my ancestors found in the trash but I got some good stuff!
April 1, 2005 (Day 42 - SIX WEEKS)
I'm having 14 puppies . . . .APRIL FOOLS!
April 2, 2005 (Day 41)
Pat & Ali came to see me today. Not sure why they spent most of their time with my bratty daughter BUT . . . Pat thinks I'm hot. I know because he was checking out my b**bies.
April 3, 2005 (Day 40)
Some field trial dude called me a fat show dog. Doesn't he know that we girls are sensitive about our weight WHEN WE ARE ARE IN THE MOTHERLY WAY!!! Yo. Buddy. Come a little closer so I can show you what I think about THAT!
April 4, 2005 (Day 39)
What did I do with that daisy? "She is. She isn't. She is. She isn't. She is . . . ." Darn it. Lost count.
April 5, 2005 (Day 38)
I am starting to get fan mail, which is fun but what was most fun today was finding all the leftover birds in the fields before Portia did. I may be fat, I may be pregnant, I may even have a hint of a milk mustache BUT . . . I can still kick her puny puppy butt in the field! *sigh* Life is good.
April 6, 2005 (Day 37)
Found a nice spot of perfume out back. I rolled and rolled and rolled and came out smelling grrrrreat! Why my mother insists on cleaning off the lovely aroma of stench, I will never understand. (Yes, yet another bath.)
April 7, 2005 (Day 36)
"To sleep; perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub. For in that sleep of pregnancy, what dreams may come." For all you regular folks, that means, "I'M TIRED!"
April 8, 2005 (Day 35 - FIVE WEEKS)
I'm starting to get a complex. Mom takes Portia everywhere and leaves me home. Bah HUMBUG. I am NEVER having puppies again and you can't make me! *sigh*
April 9, 2005 (Day 34)
The verdict is in. I am pregnant. *sigh* Apparently I did not get to vote. Oh well, TODAY is what life is about. My sister and I abandoned our bratty kids for a day on the town. We enjoyed the beautiful spring day letting people adore our beauty while checking out all the cool smells in old town Fredericksburg. I think the kid liked us the most. But, that's not all, we also got to go into Gander Mountain and show all the tough-guys what REAL hunting dogs look like!! It was so FUN!
April 10, 2005 (Day 33)
Recovery. Being so beautiful was really exhausting!
April 11, 2005 (Day 32)
GIVE ME AN "S"!
April 12, 2005 (Day 31)
GIVE ME AN "L"!
April 13, 2005 (Day 30)
GIVE ME AN "E"!
April 14, 2005 (Day 29)
GIVE ME ANOTHER "E"!
April 15, 2005 (Day 28)
GIVE ME A "P"!
April 16, 2005 (Day 27)
WHAT DOES THAT SPELL??
April 17, 2005 (Day 26)
April 18, 2005 (Day 25)
"If you feed me, they will come."
April 19, 2005 (Day 24)
"Where's the beef?" Or the pork, or the chicken? I'm not picky!
April 20, 2005 (Day 23)
I am officially FAT! What a Midsummer Night's-Mere.
April 21, 2005 (Day 22)
Visitors . . . again. *sigh* Can't a girl get a break? At least the bed is all mine!
April 22, 2005 (Day 21) April 23, 2005 (Day 20) April 24, 2005 (Day 19) April 25, 2005 (Day 18)
A picture is worth a thousand words . . . .
April 26, 2005 (Day 17)
Mom took me to work. They gave me a belly message and looked at my puppies. Not to complain or anything but next time if you could use something other than rubbing alcohol or a odorless gel. I prefer a subtle aroma - eu de deer poo or cologne of dead animal would be preferable!
April 27, 2005 (Day 16)
Anytime you want to change the coversation to something other than the size of my nipples, that would be fine with me.
April 28 & 29, 2005 (Day 15 & 14)
Lately the days just seem to be blending together.
April 30, 2005 (Day 13)
I am so excited. I don't know why or about what but I have butterflies in my tummy!
May 1, 2005 (Day 12)
Had a great time at the Vizsla Party! I might be on the not-so-svelt side but I can still give those young whipper-snappers a run for their money. And, even better, I'm so beautiful; I don't need make-up. I know 'cause Alex said so!
May 2, 2005 (Day 11)
Did I miss something?
May 3, 2005 (Day 10)
Weigh in is 54.2. Huh. Silly computer. My weight is supposed to be in the 40s not the 50s.
May 4, 2005 (Day 9)
I went to work with mom today and got a lot of attention. It is soo neat that EVERYONE thinks I should be the center of attention. Amazing how people just know that is the world order.
May 5, 2005 (Day 8)
Mom says that Pat is now a Brown instead of a Bear. I must be getting dillusional. Does she mean a Brown Bear instead of a Black Bear? Maybe mom is dillusional. I dunno. I do know that I am not having any brown puppies and they BETTER not end up in the Dog Pound!
May 6, 2005 (Day 7)
These puppies are going to be SUPER-HEROES. At least I hear they will glow in the dark.
May 7, 2005 (Day 6)
My room is all clean and tidy for the soon-to-be arrivals. It will nice to have a space all to myself with out the terrible two joining me all the time!
May 8, 2005 (Day 5)
My Mom is a hero. She saved 3 little doggies. I am so proud. GOOD GOING MOM!
May 9, 2005 (Day 4)
May 10, 2005 (Day 3)
Happy Birthday To Me! Happy Birthday TOOOO MEEE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEEN SIREN! I'M SUCH A BEAU-TY! Thanks to everyone for such nice wishes. If you want to get a belated gift, I am a size four and look exceptionally good in jewelry.
May 11, 2005 (Day 2)
STOP THE INSANITY!
May 12, 2005 (Day 1)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Boy Lundy and the Girls, Grier, Jones & Olson.